Who am I at my.......

....core? A post by Lua Fowles on her blog  http://likeabowloforanges.wordpress.com/  sparked this idea, and for that I'm truly grateful. After reading her thoughtful words, I decided to share exactly what keeps this Old Indian farm kid grounded, a concept I was introduced to by my Group Leader when I was a wet-behind-the-ears 20-something who was trying to find out who I really was deep inside. He and a very good selection of instructors over the decades have shown me the way. But, even to this day, peeling away all the layers of who I am at any given time to reach the true inner being is not an easy task, although it gets easier every time it's done. As with any endeavor so complicated, it's well worth the effort, especially if you're like me and like who you find there at the center. 

    Although I've worn many hats & titles through my life, when they all get stripped away, what's left is myself at the simplest, purest, time in which I remember actually being acutely aware of my needing to find where I fit in the world. It was a time when I was not untouched by horror, fear, and pain; but also missing was that deep sense of love a stable home gives the fortunate among us. Having recently arrived to live on the adjoining farms of my Uncles 'R' and 'F', I felt out of place and awkward and the only up side I saw at first was the absence of pain and insecurity. But this new security came at the price of whatever labor I could do to earn my keep. Eventually my adoptive Dad would re-introduce me to my biological family, but even then they were unable to assume responsibility for even one more tiny mouth to feed. So there I was, wanted yet rejected, through no real fault of anyone. I think this is when I began to develop a true sense of who I was and where I fit in. Although I never gave it much thought until much later, even without being aware it was occurring, I was molding myself to belong to the world I found, and most of the molding was designed to fit with nature.
    As young as age 7 I'd already developed the knack for withdrawing from the world, mostly out of a need to survive as told in my early posts. When I went to the farms it opened my eyes and ears to a whole new world full of life rather than darkness. Soon it became clear that my biological family was unable to take me in and I resigned my young self to life on the farms where, when doing even the most repulsive and mundane tasks, a world of wonder was there if you looked for it. Some of the life forms weren't particularly nice in any way other than as a curiosity. Maggots in the manure piles come to mind. They did become more attractive after Uncle 'F' showed me how to convert the ugly into bait for tasty trout dinners.
   As that first year on the farms unfolded I discovered that being extremely quiet and motionless could result in various wild animals venturing very close. At first I thought they didn't know anyone was there, that notion was abandoned pretty early when the deer, squirrels, and other critters apparently decided that the small human in their home posed no threat. Eventually the perfect 'me' spot was discovered in a small clearing with the small brook that fed our pond running across its northwest corner. As it was close to a crude road we used year around for various activities such as logging, maple tree sap gathering, and the other things done on a working farm, it was easily accessible. 'My' clearing was a short way from the road through pretty thick, boggy, swampy woods. This pretty much assured me that nobody would bother me there. I did take the liberty of moving some old dead-falls to make an easily traversed path in, but one that was fairly 'invisible' to nosy adults.
    Soon the animals started to reveal their traits, some of which were nearly identical to their domesticated fellow critters. Every evening that I could, between supper and starting chores, I went to my lair for an hour or so. Nobody ever questioned my absences either, which made it all the more secretive in my mind. No visit there passed without discovery of something new or the progress of construction projects run by ants, bees, etc. Being the curious type, I found it simple to remain quietly rapt by such things. It soon became apparent that 'my' clearing was a favorite 'wintering over' area for a wide variety of life forms, all of which had pretty much decided to ignore my presence as if I was on the 'list' of approved visitors. To this day I seem to enjoy a closeness with animals not common among my friends. Perhaps it's simply that I saw and remember what attracts, calms, and frightens them. And so, at this later point along my life's adventure, I find myself slipping into and out of that inner consciousness and peace that I found so young. It's been a trusty refuge from life's trials and where I go to savor the memories of the many joys I've had. Could be that it's become such a familiar and welcoming journey to that inner, non-existent, yet very real realm deep within us all that I look forward to my forays. I think of it as my 'temple', within which to commune with that which I find omnipotent and 'all encompassing'. Rather like joining an unseen stream of existence and energy that's timeless.
    Each time I venture there, which is more often as time goes by, I find that I'm still amazed by all the layers of my 'life onion' that fall away to enable me to pass through to who I am at my core, a simple, observant, Indian, country boy who's in love with what he remembers as that which first loved him back, nature. So it is, and perhaps that's as it should be, as it seems mankind is continually fighting his environment rather than developing a symbiotic union that would benefit all of earth's inhabitants, from the cold rocks to the sweetest newborn of any species.
    Until next time, stay safe and be well. Remember too, that the roses and their many beautiful qualities will still grow long after we're gone, so enjoy them while you're still able.[and no, the photos aren't even from Maine. Top is Two Medicine Peak in Glacier Park, Montana from George & Linda Allen via the Park WebCam net; and the beautiful critters below are in Anan Wildlife Observatory, Alaska by an unknown photographer. Both are special to me for personal reasons, Mike]

Idle Contemplations

Tonight I stepped out onto our porch/balcony for some fresh air. What struck my senses first wasn't the rain, it was the aroma of the rain. The wind was wafting softly up from the river in the bottom of our valley already infused with the unmistakable scents of woodsmoke from the houses on the other side. Along its journey it gathered the soft marshy odors from the river banks and the fresh smell of clean, flowing water from the river itself. Then the breezes crossed the main road picking up the wet pavement, oil, and diesel exhaust smoke from passing log trucks. The trucks went past fairly rapidly, but not so fast as to be able to carry away with them the wonderful, rich aroma of fresh cut wood. Finally, just before reaching my nostrils, the air was additionally able to transport as its last gift to me the fresh tilled garden of my neighbor as he prepared to plant spring blossoming bulbs. All this got me thinking how much the earth tells us through just one sense if we're used to seeking out the information. Most folks know the smell of a body of water, but lakes, rivers, and oceans all have their own different aromatic traces of their make-up. And I wonder how many have had the pleasure of being at sea for days beyond the sight and smell of land. As the vessel transporting you approaches land, you immediately feel overwhelmed by the richness of the unmistakable scents. But, if enough attention is paid, the differences between desert, jungle, temperate, swamp or marsh, even man's various forms of settled areas assault our noses with a complex mixture. A walk through a northern forest is vastly different in aroma than tropic forest after a rain. The high desert smells much fresher than one near sea level. Even the different hemispheres & continents are endowed with their own aromatic medley. Sometimes the differences are subtle, sometimes very apparent. A public transportation ride in a 'meat eating' area varies greatly from that of areas where seafood is the main diet. We almost all recognize the abrupt differences like a fresh mown hay field, a barn with animals, city streets, alleyways, the vapor trail of a lawnmower, or the clean and softly pleasing smell of a very young baby. These we're usually familiar with and seldom notice if exposed regularly enough. We remain alert, however, to dangerous smells. Ammonia or other toxic chemicals, burning materials, electrically generated ozone and/or burning wire insulation aromas, even filthy water gives us warning through our noses. And musn't forget skunks! What all this contemplation of smells suggested to me was that we often miss so much because we simply tune things out. We avoid unpleasant or annoying sensory clues, often to our peril, but more often to our loss. So much of life just brushes us gently and moves along that we tend to only absorb the brash, harsh things that demand we acknowledge their presence. Next time I decide to absorb the delights carried on the breeze, I plan to stand down-wind of the Mom & Pop Variety Store/Pizza Vendor just down the hill. Might as well go for the GREAT aromas, but I'll have to settle for pizza oven exhaust, as my favorite seller of fried clams is too far away for daily visits. Until next time, take care, and as the trite saying goes, "stop and smell the roses" along life's journey.

More 'Dove Story'....

Today's post is a video grouping that shows the Dove's progress from near the beginning to the early days of the chicks. While one parent is very accepting of the human intruders....... .......the other is far less trusting!! Finally we get a chance to get a better look at the youngsters. Sadly, Mother Nature has a rather decisive way of ensuring the 'survival of the fittest.' In the case of many bird species the first hatched chick gets all the food. The larger chick had a good two day head start on the smaller one, an almost insurmountable difference in size and strength when competing for food. As Linda puts it, perhaps the second chick is a 'spare' in the event the first one dies. Either way, since Doves of this type mate for life as a rule, if each pair produced two surviving offspring every year, the population would soon exceed the area's ability to feed them all. Nature uses the 'survival of the fittest' method to control the population. Crude, but extremely effective. Before too long, the smaller chick succumbs to hunger and general weakness as the larger steadily gains strength. In a day or two, after sorting through the remaining images and videos, I'll post the final chapter of this saga of the diminutive but hardy feathered family. Until then, be well and take care.

Old Indian's Dream......

No matter where you live, what your political views may be, what you do for a living, or ANY other factor, THIS AFFECTS YOU!!! One of my greatest dreams is to have a hand in leaving something I'll not see in this lifetime, A BETTER PLANET FOR MY CHILDREN AND THEIR CHILDREN, AND THEIR CHILDREN,..............


To watch this little presentation (approx 21 minutes) you can manually enter the web site listed above or click HERE. It's up to all of us if real changes are to be made.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, commited citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
~ Margaret Mead

A real 'story' coming as soon as I'm a bit more 'spry', so until next time, no matter what else you do, take care.

Another 'Mike' Year Is Over

Well, as the title of this post suggests, I measure my years a bit differently than others. On the day before Thanksgiving Day it's been my habit of long standing to take a sort of personal inventory of the year just gone by. I do this at this time for several reasons, not the least of which is that there's no 'resolutions' involved. This is good for people like me who seldom meet the lofty goals we set for ourselves at the beginning of the new year. Also, since this is officially 'Thanksgiving' time in the USA, what better time is there to take personal stock of our lives? In that frame of mind, here are my observations of things that I remember from the past twelve months, in no set lists or order, just my normal rambling thoughts consigned to this post.
I seem to remember the year starting off well, which means there were no looming disasters facing me. The time passed with a few hiccups and too many high points to count. Some of the hiccups were temporarily being bereft of most of my vision in the spring. This caused a great slow-down in my posting and an end to my book reading. Thankfully, this was cured in the most part via a series of procedures performed by the eye and general surgeons at the local Veteran's Administration Hospital. Even though I'm old, my disabilities and injuries are related to either my military or government service, which allows me to avail myself of the VA's services. There were a few other medical snags, some attended to by my personal doctor and the local hospital staff, and some addressed by the VA staff. My personal doctor, who amazingly makes house calls if necessary, keeps on top of our health issues with extreme competence. I nicknamed her the 'Little Italian Lady Doctor' and she fits that description to a 'T'. At any rate, I'd have to rate health issues in the plus column for the year, as I think I'm in better shape overall than at this time last year. So health is a blessing.
The year saw the loss of a great many close friends, many in one short period. Although there were a few exceptions caused by accidents and sudden illnesses, most lived long and productive lives and passed on peacefully in their homes with their loved ones. It also saw the birth of a number of babies to family and friends. The little girl who lives in my first floor apartment has had a remarkable degree of progress since her birth as a 'preemie' with multiple serious health issues. Today she's a normal, healthy, and extremely active two-year-old. A few family members and friends survived major medical problems with minimal lasting effects. Through the magic of the Internet I was introduced to new friends from around the globe, all of whom have added to my enjoyment of life. So overall not a bad year at all as far as those I care about are concerned.
The subject of personal wealth is always an issue in folks' lives, and in this respect, I imagine our lives are little different than the lives of most people. I'd have to say financially we have a good deal less than at this time last year. This is mostly a good thing though, as the reason for most of the missing wealth is giving to family, friends, and worthy causes. My take on money and material goods is that we appreciate and use what we have, allow ourselves a bit of luxury, and any beyond that is wasted unless it's used to do good works and better the lives of others and the world in general. My wife feels the same, and we both attribute it to the way we were raised, having what we needed and sharing any bounty with others less fortunate. As for the true wealth we enjoy, the company of friends and family, the respect of our neighbors, the ability to live in the midst of one of Nature's most beautiful spots on earth, and the overall enjoyment of life, I'd say it's been a truly wonderful year.
As I look ahead I foresee the coming twelve months as being much the same. You could say we're in a rut I guess, but what a wondrous road that rut is guiding us along. Every time I feel a bit melancholy I just have to look around, listen to the life around me, smell the perfume of Nature that changes with the seasons, and ask myself that well-worn question, 'can it get any better than this?' It may be possible, but when I see the blessing column full to overflowing and the 'less good things' column near empty, I don't see how.
So, as the photos above of the area in which we're blessed to reside show, we've got temperatures in the 24F\-4C range and the first snow that's stayed on the ground. That means that one of my four favorite seasons is almost upon us with its dazzling white landscapes, ice decorated trees, the tracks of the local critters in the snow, and a host of other nice things to add enjoyment to our already blessed lives. So I'm off to enjoy the early sunset over the snowy hill opposite us and breathe in the crisp autumn air. Until next time, take care.

I Can See Clearly Now

Hi folks, it's GREAT to be back, especially as this is the first time in several years I can actually see things as well as I could in the past. When the other eye is finished the vision should be as good, if not better, than I enjoyed as a youth.
This is just a short account of how it feels to be able to see all the beauty we all take for granted in our busy lives. Yesterday was the first time my brain really figured out the new focus signals to the extent that driving was once again possible, and ENJOYABLE!! As we had cause to be on the road to the University town just to our north, I chose to make the return trip into a "rediscovery" of some of the many sights that had been so diminished for so long. As fate would have it (more habit of neglect really) the camera was left on the computer table at home, an occurrence more and more common as the sight waned. I'll have to retrain myself to always take it as in the past. Fortunately, my wife had taken some photos of some of my favorite local places (within five miles of home),and four are shown above.
The first is the west dam in the river, as viewed from the little island where we often go for easy access to outdoor solitude. The next is a view of the lower part of our hill, which also shows the Town Ski Slope across the river from us. Then a rest area beside one of the numerous local lakes. And lastly, a view of the lake our friends live on, taken from their driveway, looking through the trees where he's cleared away the undergrowth. These places, and many more, are the reason I returned here to such a harsh climate and remote location when I retired.
The little island by the dam is where I decided to stop first, and reintroduce the view to my eyes, and it was nearly like experiencing it for the first time years ago. We live on the eastern slope of the river valley created by one of Maine's largest and longest rivers. Although grossly polluted in years past, and some purist environmentalists would say still polluted, the water is actually now safe to swim in and even drink. This is the result of the 1970s environmental laws pushed through by Senator Ed Muskie, who grew up in Rumford along the river, and was alarmed and saddened by what the river had become as a result of wanton waste disposal by towns and the paper mills along its length. Following the enactment of the Federal Statutes, the State enacted even more stringent laws, and then many mill towns, the one we now call home among them, enacted even stricter laws and created Environmental Monitor positions within the town government.
The island is about one and a half miles downstream from the larger of the town paper mills, and was made into a public park, canoe portage, and picnic area, before opening it up to the people. The dam in the photo is the western part, then the island is about one hundred fifty feet wide before the eastern dam extends across a wider stretch of the river and ends at an old hydro-electric station. The station is inaccessible, and I've always meant to ask how often the thing is online, if ever. If it's working, it's damned quiet! The little island has a small dirt road leading from the mill road and across the bridge below the dam, ending in a postage stamp of a dirt parking lot. Even though there's a sign at the access road, few people other than locals ever wander down it, as it doesn't look especially interesting. There's a nice landing on both the upstream and downstream banks of the island, with a well maintained trail between for the use of the many canoe and kayak enthusiasts, who paddle the river from the source in New Hampshire to the sea.
The joy of the place is in finding it deserted, as we did yesterday, and simply shutting off the car and sitting quietly, listening to the water rushing over the dam. As a couple, we have many things in common, one being the ability and desire to sit quietly for long stretches of time, just enjoying our surroundings. After an hour or so of watching the birds, the fish jumping, the water flowing, and the leaves rustling from the almost constant valley wind, I find it hard to return to the reality that calls us back to the things humans create to vex themselves. Human things done in a seemingly fruitless attempt to make life easier. How much easier can it get than living in the midst of a gift from nature, and marvelling peacefully at all the wonders therein? Until next time, take care.